Jealousy is a common emotion when it comes to relationships. However, when you put distance into the equation, things get even more complicated. Today I’m sharing my experience with feeling jealous and how I learned to deal with the emotion in order to have a happy, healthy relationship.
As some of you know, I’ve been in a long distance relationship for a little over 3 years. My boyfriend and I started dating in high school and then decided to stay together when he went to college. This August is going to be the first time that we’re actually living in the same city and can see each other more than once a month–yay! However, before that, we have one more challenge to face.
My boyfriend is super adventurous and decided that he wanted to work in Yellowstone this summer. Well, if you’ve been to Yellowstone, you know that there is literally no phone service. If you’ve been in a long distance relationship, you might have an idea of how essential communication is for it to work. Luckily he has some wifi in his room (barely functioning wifi that can’t even handle FaceTime audio, I might add) so we can at least iMessage each other from time to time.
It’s really hard to get real and admit that there are problems in your relationship and that it’s not as perfect as it looks on social media. While my boyfriend and I do have really happy and healthy relationship, we still run into problems because of distance. One of the things that has helped me the most with coping with my LDR is reading other people’s articles and being able to relate to someone with the same problems. So, with the hope of helping out someone else in a similar situation, I decided to write this post. It is not easy to be open about problems with your relationship, but that’s what I am about to do. Here is how I’m working to get over jealousy.
Reasons for Jealousy
Ah, the green monster. Jealousy is probably the hardest thing for me to admit when it comes to my long distance relationship. No one wants to be the jealous girlfriend. It is such a horrible, nasty emotion to feel. I wanted to talk about it though, because it has definitely been the hardest emotion for me to overcome this summer. The first step to getting over jealousy is recognizing 1. That you are jealous, and 2. why you feel that way. Here are some things that are a part of the package deal of an LDR. You have to handle your significant other:
- Meeting lots of new people and making new friends (people of the opposite sex included)
- Gaining new experiences without you
- Possibly not being able to talk to you for very extended periods of time while doing these things
Let’s start with the first point, meeting new people. Even if you trust your partner immensely, it can be hard to overcome jealousy when they are surrounding themselves with a bunch of new people. It can be really scary to not know what kind of people your significant other is hanging out with. In my experience with this, I had a lot of trouble dealing with my jealousy because there was just no way of knowing what his new gal friends’ intentions were. However, I have mostly been able to stop worrying so much about that.
Another thing that can be pretty tough to deal with is the fact that your significant other is gaining experiences without you. For example, in my situation, my boyfriend gets to go hiking in gorgeous Yellowstone, see baby bears, and lots of other cool things. This is all awesome and great, aside from the fact that I don’t get to experience these things with him. It can be really hard to be supportive/ happy for your significant other in situations like this because it is so easy to feel left out. The thing that has helped me the most with overcoming this feeling is finding cool things to do, too. If you do your own thing and spend time with your friends, you’re a lot less likely to feel jealous of your partner.
Alright, now for the last point before I get to the other half of the post. Communication is so vital in an LDR, but you have to learn to be okay with not talking for hours at a time. You can communicate without talking constantly, you know?
Okay, I know you’re wondering. How do I get over these feelings? Well, good thing I’m about to tell you. 😉
How to Overcome Jealousy
1. Let go of the need to have everything under control
Anyone who knows me knows I’m a control freak, so this was really hard for me to do. There are a lot of different ways that you might be controlling your partner, but you just have to recognize that your partner is an individual who makes their own decisions and that isn’t for you to control. Like, if your partner makes the decision to cheat on you, that’s on them. It is something that is out of your control, and trying to control someone else’s decisions will just make you both unhappy.
I felt much better once I made the decision to stop worrying about everything my boyfriend was doing and to just trust his decisions. It is definitely a process, so don’t feel bad if you can’t immediately stop trying to have everything under control. Stuff like this takes work and effort and it doesn’t just happen overnight!
2. Talk to your partner about it
If you’re feeling jealous or your significant other is putting you in uncomfortable situations, talk to them about it! There is no reason to bottle up those emotions. Odds are they’ll at least try to understand where you’re coming from. For example, I told my boyfriend that I was uncomfortable with him hanging out with other girls and not letting me know, and I asked him to just give me a heads up any time he is hanging out with other girls. He totally understood where I was coming from and agreed to just shoot me a text any time that he is. Just being in the loop and knowing what is going on makes things so much easier! So, if you’re in a similar situation, communicate with your partner. Figure out what works for you and your relationship!
3. Acknowledge your feelings
The first step to getting over jealousy is acknowledging the fact that you’re jealous. Jealousy is an emotion that everyone feels, some people just feel it stronger than others. Feeling jealous is okay, but learning to manage it better will give you a healthier and more mature relationship. 🙂
I understand that every relationship is different and these tips might not work for every relationship, but these are the things that have helped me in my situation. Also don’t forget that relationships are two sided, and it definitely takes effort from both sides to overcome these feelings. If you liked this post, could relate in some way, or have other methods of overcoming jealousy, make sure to let me know in the comments below! If you like posts like this, don’t forget to subscribe!